It’s only ever done in a misguided attempt to stop the terrible feelings that occur when our illness is triggered by certain factors. Of course, I can’t speak for every person in the world and, yes, there are some people who can be down right horrible.īut if I could get people to understand only one thing about being in a relationship with a person with BPD, it’s that we do not enjoy or take pleasure from our behaviour. To understand why our reactions can be so adverse, our partner needs to understand that because of our illness, we think differently in some ways to others. The fear of being abandoned is almost always, even if only subconsciously, the driving force of our ‘crazy’ behaviour in relationships. When people pull away for any reason, that part of our illness goes into overdrive and this is where the disorder may get its bad name. This may be because it’s thought that BPD could stem from early attachment issues in childhood, so another of the main symptoms is a ‘chronic fear of abandonment (real or perceived)’.

Some people pull away for space, which is possibly the hardest thing for us to take. Now, obviously living in each others’ pockets is neither healthy nor feasible, and sometimes the intensity of someone with BPD’s love can be too much at first. You’ll do anything to keep it away, and because of this, it can become quite an addictive feeling to be around the person you love.

The feeling is so wonderful that when they’re gone (albeit maybe only to work for the day), you hit the floor like a rock and back comes that creeping emptiness. Having such strong emotions make people with BPD incredibly empathetic, and because of this we find it easy to connect with people on an emotional level quickly. You want to spend every minute of the day with them because you find them so interesting, so much fun, and so enjoyable to be around. When you finally meet the person who sets your world on fire, it feels incredible. Personally, the only thing that gives me true happiness is other people, which is why BPD is a cruel illness – because most people who suffer from it are gregarious, true people lovers, but they struggle to maintain close relationships because of their illness. It’s well documented that we love to turn to a quick fix drugs, alcohol, binge eating, any risk taking behaviour that fills us up for a second. People with BPD, even in their happiest periods, experience this pervasive feeling of emptiness almost every day, and often they try and fill this with things that stimulate them.

What is radio silence in a relationship